A Traveler's Chapter: May 2015

I feel the pressure of the seven weeks creeping in. The sort of anxiety of anticipation. I have fear in my heart truly because of the unknown. The idea something explosively negative will happen. Fear is such a terrible thing; it causes uncertainty, insecurity, and warps judgment.

Happiness is such a fragile thing that it is constantly called upon to be juggled. Always at risk of falling, the almost inevitable break. But I've learned by now that happiness is measured by perception, and perception is simply a decision on how to see things. My rose-colored glasses have long ago vanished; seeing the world in all its glory can be overwhelmingly beautiful, so much so that you can often be detoured and turn away from its sight to find it horrid.

Optimism and pessimism, it is but perception; these fancy and other "politically correct terms" often annoy and frustrate me. Enough with the labels. Label me as you please. Yes, two contradicting statements. Yet they, for me, are both so true. You may choose to put me in any group, but unless I was the one to place myself there, then where you put me is completely irrelevant.

I find, no, I know, that in life and forever, more people will attempt to create an identity for us. Tell us where we belong, how we are to behave and feel, who we are to be. I see now that these labels, places, groups were simply made so that the person who chose to place us there can better function. That is fine.

But you are not, but I am not. We are not what people decide who we are. And yes, you must abide by rules, social standards, society in order to survive, to function, to live. But everything ever decided in your life was a decision you made for yourself. Perception. I learned that the only person who could live my life is myself. No one laughs for me, walks miles for me, does my assignments for me, cries for me, loves for me, lives for me. No one jumps in my body to make the day-to-day living. I do it. I learned what that really meant this year..... Being alone with myself and my thoughts was an experience that cannot be explained. You can only relate if you do so yourself.

Leaving all that you know behind to go somewhere else completely unknown.... leaves you..... alone. Not in a negative aspect or a positive one. I realized being with myself how much I could hate and love being who I was. And since I can't change what I am, I learned to live with myself for who I am. I grew in ways I could not get through to you on paper. I experienced things in myself that I couldn't verbally explain. I can only say to you as my reader to be alone. Be alone with yourself to really see who you are. You, too, will be amazed by what you are, by who you are, and that you are also beautiful, truly.

So as for this fear, it is all perception. I choose to see the best of it. I know, it's super repetitive to the movies and books, but true stuff is true. I'll make the best of any situation for myself. It's a choice I chose to make. Because it's true... Life is short, a moment in our universe. So insignificant it can't even add up to a second in the make-up of all that has come to exist. But it's the longest thing I'll ever do. So these moments will defy the universe.... 'cause for me, I'll make 'em count!

Moments that count: