The Wait is Always Worse

With hours to go until my parents drop me off at orientation, I'm literally a blank slate. I was always the one to enter a new place without expectations. I must admit I'm beyond nervous and excited. At the start of summer, departure seemed so far away; it appeared to take forever to come. Now that the moment of truth is here, I wonder, confused as to where the time had gone? For me, the wait is always the worse. Don't get me wrong; I am extremely patient; it's the bottled-up me that can barely take the "keeping composed" stance, even though I do it well. I'm trying to keep composed, like holding back horror screams while riding up a horrifying roller coaster; play it cool. But like the thrill of the roller coaster, I love the excitement, the racing heart, stomach drop feeling. It's the feel of what living is supposed to be like; I'm alive and can feel the life coursing through my veins. 

This is what the love of exploration does. The simple love to do and try. To be daring, to get out of the comfort zone, to escape from present reality, to make something your own. This is what I plan to go through my travels in Germany. To rewrite me; become a better me than me presently. Simply because I want the best me I can possibly be, the ability to always outdo myself. The competition goes beyond competing; it has the courage to challenge and beat your own set records and to escape the very person holding you back, yourself. That is true freedom. To be free of all limitations, including race, sex, social status, what society defines as correct. To strive to be free from the very things that oppress you as an individual. That journey does take time and even more patients. Like all things, it is possible. Still, for me, the wait is always the worse!